The holiday season can be a stressful time for many people. We grow up watching the quintessential Christmas experience in our favorite films and television shows, but in reality, the holidays can bring up unpleasant feelings and memories. Some common concerns people have include: worrying about conflicts with family, the dread of sharing space with an abusive family member, being stressed out about finances and buying gifts, grieving the death of loved ones, and loneliness.

I remember during the holiday season of my second year of graduate school our professor handed us each a “Holiday Survival Plan.” Prior to then, I hadn’t heard of such a thing. It didn’t take long for me to realize the benefit of coping ahead and preparing to navigate and manage the holiday season. Not only did my clients find it helpful but I found it useful too.

Preparing for the holidays doesn’t mean you’ll have control over every single thing or that you won’t experience any anxiety or grief. It means you’re making a plan to validate any painful feelings and stressors that may come up in order to minimize the stress, adjust your expectations, be open to navigating the unexpected and re-routing as necessary.

Below you’ll find some tips to consider.

Reflection Time

Consider what happened last year or in years past. What happened? What were those stressors? Identify the specific factors that contributed to your stress and write them down.

Developing an Action Plan

Develop a coping plan. Taking into account past experiences, what would be helpful to keep in mind this time? What do you need and what specific things could help make this holiday season more of what you need?

Some Tips to Consider

1. If the holidays are a painful time because of the death of a loved one, think of ways to acknowledge your feelings and honor their memory such as setting an altar, sharing your favorite stories of them, or looking through photo albums.

2. If you tend to feel lonely during the holidays, it may help to be intentional about reaching out to a friend, family member, or making plans with a coworker. There are plenty of opportunities to be of service too, which could be a way of serving others and help you feel more connected to your community. Look up your local shelters or food banks as they’re probably seeking volunteers and needing assistance during this busy time.

3. If the holidays bring up sad childhood memories, consider starting a new tradition. It could be decorating a tree with a loved one, watching a Holiday movie, making chocolate caliente, or cooking your favorite dish and sharing it with a neighbor.

4. If you’re going to spend time around family members who push your buttons, consider ways you will verbalized and defend your boundaries or choose to spend time with chosen family instead.

5. If you’re stressed out about finances, develop a budget and get your shopping done early. Malls and stores get more chaotic the closer we get to the date! If the budget is still too tight, suggest a Secret Santa exchange or make it fun with a White Elephant exchange. 

6. Consider being more mindful of substances. Substances can often be a way of relieving and avoiding the unpleasant feelings that come up and though it may provide temporary relief, in the long-term, it could actually make your mood worse. Curious to learn more? Read about it here.

7. Find time for stillness. Remember to check-in with yourself throughout this time. Ask yourself: How am I doing? What do I need? Who can I reach out to for support?

Like life, the holiday season will not be perfect. Expect delays, unexpected situations, and prepare to take detours. Rolling with it and readjusting your expectations may be more helpful than resisting the things we don’t have any control over. Also, if you need help with coping ahead, and generally find it difficult to cope, consider seeking professional help from a licensed therapist. Therapists can hold space for you to share your emotions and experiences and help you come up with a plan that will better serve you.

I hope this was helpful. This is only a brief list and there are many more things to consider and try. Brainstorm, be creative, set a plan, and remember to have fun with it. May your holidays be less dreadful and more peaceful! 

I would love to hear from you. What helps you cope with the holiday season? Share your tips below!