Creating a Coping Ahead Plan for Holiday Stress
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The holiday season can be a stressful time for many people. As an LCSW serving clients in CA, CO, and TX, I hear about this every year. We grow up watching the quintessential Christmas experience in our favorite films and television shows, but in reality, winter celebrations can bring up unpleasant feelings and memories. Some common concerns people have include: worrying about conflicts with family, dreading sharing space with an abusive family member, being stressed out about buying gifts, grieving the death of loved ones, and loneliness during what’s “supposed to be” the most wonderful time of the year.
During my second year of graduate school, my professor handed us each a handout titled, “Holiday Survival Plan.” Prior to then, I hadn’t heard of such a thing. It didn’t take long for me to integrate the benefit of coping ahead and preparing to navigate and manage this season into therapy sessions with clients. My clients found it useful and so did I.
Preparing a coping ahead plan for seasonal anxiety and stress doesn’t mean you’ll have control over every single thing or that you won’t experience any anxiety or grief. It means you’re making a plan to validate any painful feelings and stressors that may come up in order to minimize the stress, adjust your expectations, be open to navigating the unexpected and re-routing as necessary.
In this post, I'll share tips for coping with the holidays, managing difficult emotions, and creating your own coping ahead plan.
Understanding Holiday Stress and Anxiety
Holiday stress stems from multiple sources. From a clinical perspective, this period can trigger or worsen anxiety and depression, particularly for those with pre-existing mental health conditions or unresolved trauma.
The concept of "coping ahead" is a skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and it means anticipating challenges and developing coping strategies before they arise. This won’t eliminate stress entirely; however, it will help you respond more effectively when challenges arise.
Holiday Survival Plan: Practical Coping Tips
Step 1: Reflect on Past Holiday Experiences
Think about what happened last year or in years past. What happened? What were those stressors? Identify the specific factors that contributed to your stress and write them down.
Step 2: Develop a Coping Ahead Plan
Develop a plan. Taking into account past experiences, what would be helpful to keep in mind this time? What do you need and what specific things could help make this season more of what you need?
Step 3: Use These Specific Tips
Managing Holiday Grief and Loss
If winter celebrations are a painful time because of the death of a loved one, start by acknowledging your grief. Create a space to honor their memory such as setting an altar, sharing your favorite stories, or looking through photo albums. Give yourself permission to feel sad even while others celebrate, feelings can coexist.
Setting Boundaries with Family During the Holidays
If family gatherings can be triggering, because certain relatives consistently overstep boundaries or if there's a history of abuse. Decide in advance:
How long you'll stay
What topics are off-limits
Your exit strategy if needed
Whether you'll spend time with chosen family instead
Practice phrases like: "I'm not discussing that topic," "I need to leave early," or "That doesn't work for me.”
Managing Financial Stress During the Holidays
If you’re stressed out about finances and buying gifts, create a realistic budget and stick to it. If the budget is still too tight, consider alternatives:
Secret Santa or White (or Multicultural as my friends call it lol) Elephant exchanges
Homemade gifts
Experience-based gifts (cooking a meal together, planning an outing)
Setting spending limits with family/friends
Remember: meaningful connection matters more than expensive presents.
Navigating Holiday Loneliness
If you tend to feel lonely during this time of year, it may help to be intentional about reaching out to a friend, family member, or making plans with a coworker. Don’t wait for invitations, initiate plans, even a brief coffee date or phone call can ease the sense of loneliness.
Consider service and community connection. Volunteering at local shelters, food banks, or community organizations during the holidays serves a dual purpose: you help others while building meaningful connection. And remember, feeling lonely during a season focused on unity is common and valid. Trust me, you’re not alone in feeling alone. Try connecting with others too on platforms like Twitter, reddit, and Threads. You’ll learn very quickly that there are so many others in your shoes.
Creating New Holiday Traditions to Heal Childhood Wounds
If this season bring up sad childhood memories, try starting a new tradition. Rather than remaining stuck in old narratives, create new stories.
Start traditions that feel authentic to you:
Decorate a tree with someone who brings you joy (including yourself or pets!)
Host a holiday movie night featuring your favorite film
Make chocolate caliente and savor it mindfully
Cook a beloved dish and share it with a neighbor or friend
Create a gratitude ritual that honors what matters to you now
These new traditions won’t erase the past, but they create space for healing and reclaiming the holidays as something that can hold meaning on your terms. You get to define what this season means for you.
Navigating Substance Use During the Holiday Season
Our culture tends to center alcohol often. The holidays are no different. Try being more mindful of your alcoholic consumption. Substances can provide temporary relief from uncomfortable feelings. However, in the long term, it could worsen your depression, anxiety, and capacity to emotionally regulate. It's worth examining your relationship with substances during this time. For evidence-based information on substance use, visit SAMHSA's website.
Practice mindful awareness:
Notice why you're reaching for substances (does it help you numb or gain a feeling?)
Set limits before attending events
Have an exit strategy if you feel pressured
Consider whether substances are helping you connect or helping you avoid
For more on managing difficult emotions without avoidance, see my post: The Anxiety Trap: Why Control Backfires.
Stillness is the Move
In the rush of holiday preparations, stillness becomes both the hardest thing to find and the most necessary. I love making time for stillness, peace, and quiet!
Amidst the chaos, carve out moments to pause and ask:
How am I doing right now?
What do I need in this moment?
Who can I reach out to for support?
Stillness is also about saying no. Not every invitation needs acceptance. Not every tradition requires continuation. Protecting your energy and emotional bandwidth is an act of self-compassion.
When you practice stillness, you create space to respond to the holidays rather than simply react to them. This is where true peace lives—in your ability to stay connected to yourself through it all.
Closing Thoughts on Holiday Stress
Like life, this time of year will not be perfect. Expect delays, unexpected situations, and prepare to take detours. Rolling with it and readjusting your expectations may be more helpful than resisting the things we don’t have any control over. If you need help with developing a coping ahead plan, consider reaching out: noemi@stillnesstherapy.net. I’ll hold space for you to share your feelings and experiences, and help you come up with a coping ahead plan that will better serve you.
I hope this was helpful. This is only a brief list and there are many more things to consider and try. Brainstorm, be creative, set a plan, and remember to have fun with it. May your holidays be less dreadful and more peaceful!
For more on managing anxiety throughout the year, read: The Anxiety Trap: Why Control Backfires and Navigating Holiday Anxiety: Practical Coping Strategies for a Calmer Season.
