Welcome to the “Sin Pelos en la Lengua'' collaborative series! 

I’m very happy to be joined by my colleague and cousin (heyyy, cousin! jeje), Rocio “Rossy” Olivera, sex education expert. Together, we’re going to chat about some important stuff—sex, pleasure, and intimacy. Rocio brings a wealth of knowledge on sex and intimacy, with her expertise lying on sexual pleasure as a form of healing. She has hosted her own podcast, “Suelta la Sopa with Rossy,” which is currently on hiatus; however, check out her microblogging on Instagram here. During our brainstorm meeting, we discussed the importance of having candid conversations about sex, and the need for more education and exposure. Our aim is to provide a kind of Sex Ed 101, but the type you might not have received in school or from your parents. We’ll delve into topics like pleasure and intimacy, offering insights into navigating these discussions within dating and romantic relationships. Our aim is to provide a fresh perspective, fostering open dialogue and understanding. Let’s start exploring the world of pleasure together!

Hola hola. Bienvenida! Can you please start off by telling us a little about yourself and what you do?

Hola! My name is Rocio Olivera, but I go by Rossy on the internet. I have been talking about sexuality online for about five years, covering topics from identity and pleasure to our bodies and sex toys. I recently got hired as a Sex Education & LGBTQ Coordinator for a local Latine non-profit. Additionally, this Fall I plan to enroll at The Sexual Health School to become a certified sex educator.

Okay! Congratulations on the new position! A whole certified sex educator in the making. I love to hear it. I believe in you and I’m so excited for you. You know, I privately share this with you, but I want to say it here too, your posts have inspired me. Every time I read what you have to say, I either feel affirmed or I learn something new. What are you most passionate about as it relates to sex education?

This is a difficult question, however, I love talking about pleasure! We live in a white supremacist capitalist society where, more often than not, we have to produce to sustain ourselves. Pleasure is often associated with “Work hard and you can purchase this trip, nails, hair, etc.,” so when someone approaches us about our sexual pleasure, specifically as a mujer, it is difficult even to imagine what we find pleasurable in bed. Talking about pleasure is not only fun but necessary. When we are aware of what we enjoy we can talk about boundaries in and out of bed, self-acceptance, and won’t tolerate sex happening to us, but owning our sexual pleasure. The more we get comfortable talking about sex and pleasure, the more we can talk about all the exciting, sexy, and fun things we like. And the more we can talk about what we want to explore, the more we could be open to exploring in the future. Who doesn’t like talking about sex with our friends during brunch with a mimosa in hand?

Listen, as an Earth sign, I get it! I don’t think we give enough room for all kinds of pleasure. I find myself naturally leaning into it and I think more of us should, too. Can you please define sexual pleasure for us?

Sexual pleasure is owning what we enjoy unapologetically and prioritizing it. As renowned sex educator Emily Nagoski states, “We all have the same parts just organized differently,” acknowledging there is so much diversity in the realm of sexual pleasure. Ask for what feels good. Don't be afraid to say, “Rub my clitoris this way,” or “Nope, I actually don’t like reverse cowgirl, can we do cowgirl because I like how it rubs on my clitoris and how the penetration feels.” Also, be open to exploring the unknown. I used to be opposed to spitting into my mouth, but turns out, it turns me on! Don’t knock it till you try it. However, start small. For instance, if you’re curious about anal play, start with rubbing, caressing, then later on, introduce penetration. 

The realm is vast, absolutely. It doesn’t have to just look one way. I agree with you that speaking up and being honest about what feels good, and especially about what doesn’t feel good is necessary to have a healthy sex life. Generally speaking, how could people get more comfortable exploring sexual pleasure?

Pleasure is our birthright. Make time for it, schedule a day and time to romanticize your sexy self, and explore what you like. Get your five senses involved. The more comfortable we feel in our skin, the more aware we’ll become of what we enjoy sexually.

Oh my. You’re speaking my language! Pleasure is our birthright. And, pleasure and romance go hand in hand. What’s one thing that people get wrong about sexual pleasure? 

You gotta orgasm every single time, negative! Sex is meant to be fun and enjoyable. We put so much emphasis on orgasms that we forget to stay present, curious and just have fun with it! When we give someone a massage, we don't expect them to have the best massage of their life, but more so simply enjoy the massage. Enjoy the ride, literally!

Stay present and curious, check. Let’s focus on Latine individuals for a moment since it’s both of our specialties. Considering the patriarchal culture and religious upbringing that often denies womxn, femmes, and queer people the room to explore their sexuality, what are three ways that Latine individuals can begin to center more sexual pleasure in their lives? 

1. Get a sex toy. Many can provide pleasure outside of the genitals. 2. Take some nudes/sexy lingerie pictures for yourself. Seeing our naked bodies is an act of self-preservation and disrupts the idea of western beauty. We are sexy and deserving of all the pleasurable things we desire. 3. Take yourself out on a solo date. What do you love doing? What's your favorite food? Go and do that. After a solo date, you feel empowered, confident and it works to strengthen the relationship to self. The first time might feel a little overwhelming and scary, and that’s okay. After the first time, it gets easier, I promise. 

Closing Thoughts

Y’all heard it from the expert herself. Go out there and explore your desires and fantasies. Embrace novelty. Date yourself. Discover your preferences. Center pleasure. The world is in absolute chaos. Systems are breaking down, things are not working, and they haven’t been working for a long time. It’s important to find pockets of joy and satisfaction in our lives. And after reading this, I hope you’ll consider integrating more sexual (and all kinds of) pleasure in your life. Before you go, share with us in the comments how you’ve made pleasure a priority in your life. Thanks for reading!